2009 began with a massive celebration with my closest friends, and I had a great time.  There were fireworks, lots of wine, and a few bruises collected.  If you start as you mean to go on, then surely we’ll all have a care-free year and diminished livers.

It strange how new year is a time for reflection, surely any time is a good time to decide to improve your life.  Nevertheless, we’ve orbited the sun one more time and it’s time for us all to take an objective look at our life, commit to resolve our shortcomings and improve our strengths.

My new year’s resolutions:

1. Drink less! Yeah, I know, I know, it’s that old one and I’ve said it loads of times before.  The aim is to reach April 1st with only two drinking sessions, a house party later this month and my brother’s 21st in March.  I’ve committed to a month without alcohol a few times and succeeded, but quickly reverted to drinking heavily afterwards.  Hopefully this three month alcohol hiatus will break the habit.

2. Gym more!  With my flatmate Steve for mutual support, I think this will be the hardest working gym year yet.

3. Work hard in music.  Song writing, guitar practice and gigs to come.

4. Keep on socialising.  I love getting out and in-amongst the world, meeting interesting people.

Welcome to 2009, let’s make it count.

I can’t really do a day-by-day breakdown after over a month without an update, but I can summarise how living in Birmingham city centre is working for me fairly concisely in four words:

One big fucking party.

We just haven’t stopped.  Life feels great right now and I can’t get enough of it.  Maybe a little alcoholic over-indulgence but that’s easily sorted out.  As well as work and home being cool, I’m travelling faster down the road to rock.  I’ve just done my grade 5 Rock School exam and joined a band a few weeks ago.  We don’t even have a name yet but things will be getting going a bit more in the new year.

I’m back in brum this weekend for the closing ceremony of the festive celebrations with my flatmate Steve.  I will introduce you to him, the apartment, and my life in Birmimngham through a series of phone pictures I’ve just Bluetoothed to my new laptop.

These are pictures of the new flat, me and Steve, then some of Rich and Tony.  Rich and Tony live together 4 minutes walk away, and work at Rare with me.  Every Saturday at midnight, the four of us become one fierce party machine, howling at the giant glitter ball.

Also, we bought a condiment called Shito.  Try it next time you’re round, it tastes nearly as good as it sounds.

Let 2009 know I’m coming for ‘em!

Catch you later, and have an awesome Christmas.

I hung out with Tony a lot, spending Friday night playing a watered down version of dares which involved pointing out a person, coming up with an introductory line and sending the other guy off to start a silly conversation.  It was a lot of fun and we met a lot of new people.  Eventually that broke down as both us and the people we were speaking to became more drunk.  Tony defaulted to wowing people with his ridiculously smooth dance moves, and I got my bare-arse slapped by some dude.  Don’t ask.

I went for lunch with flatmate Steve and his parents early on Saturday, they are lovely.  For the night time entertainment, we met up with Ben and Amy, the couple from the house party in Manchester a few weeks ago.  We had a few glasses of wine in Tony’s flat and slowly warmed up the evening.

Later, we went to a filthy rock club called Eddie’s near the Mailbox.  I had loads of fun dancing to all the old rock and metal tunes that went through University with me.  It was the complete opposite of Gatecrasher the night before.  Gatecrasher Birmingham is a ‘£5Million Hyper Nightclub’.  Eddie’s is a converted working men’s club complete with musky smell, 70s carpet and filthy goths (my favourite type of goths).  I loved both ends of the spectrum, I’ll try to get a photo that isn’t just of the stairs down to the ‘Goth room’!

Sunday brought a little more exploration around the city, a cheap pair of trainers, and some awesome bangers and mash.  I’m really excited about moving to this amazing place on Wednesday.

Saturday was spent appreciating the beauty of life, alcohol, and a girl called Claire.  There was cheap bingo wine, a deserted Chinese cafe, and a cake-baking showdown which I was lucky enough to help judge.  What more do you want in a Saturday?  I got up early for my mam’s Sunday roast after a late night.

Sunday! Drove home, went to bed too late.  Monday! A few quiet drinks with Tony evolved into £1 shots in vodka revolution.  Tuesday! A few quiet drinks with potential flatmate Steve evolved into drinking Rum at Tony’s place. Wednesday! I had too much red bull during my guitar lesson and couldn’t sleep. Thursday! Got back late from Sheffield after seeing the awesome Airbourne.  Friday! Big night out with Rich, slept on his floor for a few hours.

Saturday! Up at 10am to view flats with Steve.  After we viewed three flats we hung around the city centre for a while.  We tried all the hangover cures in the book in Wetherspoons - full English breakfast, water, Bloody Mary with a double vodka… it worked!  I felt a bit floaty but I was set for the day.  I bought more dangly things to go round my neck.  It’s a strange habit but somehow I feel a bit nicer inside, post-inebriation.

Later on the Saturday we went for a second viewing at one of the flats.  When we got back to the estate agents office we went outside to confer.  I think the conversation went like this:

Dave “Yeah?”
Steve “Yeah.”

We went in and signed some papers.  We went to his hotel and got a pizza, chilled for a bit, and decided we were too exhausted for a night out.  I drove over to Coventry to see a friend for a bit, while Steve slept for a bit then went for the night out after all.

I started writing this on the Saturday night when I got in about midnight, but I was too tired and fell asleep for around 13 hours.  So it’s now Sunday, and I’m feeling quite content reliving the last week as I write this.  I haven’t been in any pictures throughout these adventures, so I’ve added some of my favourite fancy dress costumes ever from the party last week.

Weekend 1.  I went to Bradford for this one.  It was the first time I was drinking again, so I tried to take it fairly easy.  That went down the drain when I asked some dudes for a drink recommendation and I ended up getting some incredibly camp cocktail that took about half an hour to drink and had me bladdered.

The next day, I drove to Birmingham to audition with a band.  A combination of setting up sat nav wrong, road works, and underestimating the journey rendered me going into the audition 45 minutes late and quite heavily hung over.  I say “rock n roll maaaaaaaaaaaan”, they say “you’re not coming in our band”, my guitar teacher says “I wouldn’t let you in either”, I say “okay fair enough.”

Weekend 2. Middlesbrough! My favourite.  I went out with my brother and his mates on the Friday night, and with Ally and her mates on the Saturday.  This was a crazy weekend.  The Saturday night was a fancy dress stag/hen double-wedding night out extravaganza, and became a tornado of party sucking people up everywhere it went.

The picture is with my brother’s mate Rob (left) and a guy I approached asking “Hey mate, could you just do a photo for us?” and then got him into frame.  That’s why he looks confused.

The weekend was rounded off in an unusual circumstance when I asked someone to delete my number and write me a letter.  More on that later.  Maybe.

Weekend 3! On the Friday me, Tony, and Rich went to the new Gatecrasher club for an indie-ish night.  The next day Tony was driving to London, I was driving to Manchester, and Rich was driving to Coventry.  I hung around in Birmingham centre with Rich for a while to wear off the hangover.  We went in some used record shops and a wine shop.  We met the coolest guy in the wine shop, who told me all about wine being made in Egypt in 3000BC, tannin, and loads of other stuff.  I learnt that you can be a genuinely interesting person without getting drunk and naked.

I was going to Manchester for Felix’s house party.  I only really knew the host, and there was probably 50 people there.  As the booze kicked in, me and Felix got shirtless.  Somehow this snowballed and within ten minutes nearly everyone at the party was semi naked!  It’s difficult to choose a picture for this one so I don’t offend people.  So, another pic of me!

I learnt again that the most fun you can have involves being drunk and naked.

I met some people from Birmingham at the party who were stuck for a lift and took them home the next day, strange coincidence!

Weekend 4. This was a really good one with Gav and co in Hull.  Friday night was celebrating Marie’s birthday.  Gav and I spent most of the evening in a students rock club, where I learnt that there’s a rivalry between the Hull University Rock Society and the Hull Alternative and Goth Society.  I spent a while trying to find some of each so I could take bets on goth-fighting, but it didn’t work out.

We went to see [spunge] in Leeds on Saturday!  They were amazing, one of the bounciest, sweatiest, awesome-est gigs I’ve been to in a long time.  I bought a T-shirt and the new album.

The week nights have been spent playing guitar, going to a few salsa classes, viewing flats and watching loads of classic Disney films!

On Thursday last week I went to Amsterdam to visit my mates Maarten and Marc.  What an awesome weekend.  Some things I can’t post on my public blog, but all the same I’ve wrote a bit for the benefit of those who can fill in the blanks (including future Dave.  After all, that is the primary reason for keeping this journal).

I think I nearly died on the Thursday night when we **** twelve grams of ****, I didn’t know I was capable.  On the Friday we met Marc, **** a little **** then I **** a **** in the **** while Maarten held my wallet.  It was awkward, and Maarten was **** it which added pressure to the whole situation.

For some reason I wanted to smoke a big fat cigar as well.  It was probably because I had a suit jacket and shades on, and I was pretending to be a rock star.  I didn’t know anything about cigars so I went into the tobacco shop and asked “Hiya, have you got any big fat cigars?”  The shop girl was less amused by my charming child like curiosity than I was, but I got what I went in for and enjoyed smoking a cigar all the same.  It tasted horrible.

Other than that, the weekend was mainly just partying and going in loads of sex shops.  I wanted to buy a massive black dildo for comedy, but it was a bit too expensive for what was, really, a cheap laugh at best.

Guess what! I got right through September without drinking any alcohol whatsoever, just like I said I would.   Look, I’d even wrote it on my little whiteboard.  At midnight on October 1st, I had a bottle of Newcastle Brown Ale waiting for me on the table.  I had beer in my gob within thirty seconds of completing the challenge to myself, but I genuinely honoured my month of abstinence by drinking Coke from 11pm till midnight on the last evening.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I’m going to Bradford to party it up after work. Then on Saturday I’m meeting some dudes from a band who need a guitarist in Birmingham.  Bye!  Go practice Nipple Tennis.

How To Play Nipple Tennis

1. Get your nipple out in public, point it at your opponent (a mate).  This is serving.

2. Your opponent must then get their nipple out without further discussion.  This is returning.  If they don’t return, you aced a point.

3. If your opponent returns, get your other nipple out as well.

4. Continue this dynamic until someone runs out of nipples and loses the point.  Long rallies are very uncommon in Nipple Tennis.

Tips For Playing Nipple Tennis

Aim to get your nipple out somewhere where your opponent will feel uncomfortable getting their nipple out.  For example, in a restaurant or in front of their girlfriend’s mum.

You may score however you wish.

Tips For Writing About Nipple Tennis

Don’t search Google Images for a suitable picture.*

* Apologies to the gentleman in the picture for using your image without consent.  I will remove it if you can win a set against me in Nipple Tennis.  The score is currently 15-0 to you.

We hung out with them for most of the Saturday, and on the evening Martyn, Ally and Matty came down from Middlesbrough for a night out with us.  I cooked the most onion-ridden dish I’ve ever had whilst teaching Gav how to cook pasta.  It wasn’t the best, I misjudged the ingredients with cooking for five people for the first time.  Never mind.  We went to a student-ey rock club called Spiders on the Saturday evening.  I took to smoking for the evening to keep my mind alcohol-free, and got told off by my mates.  I didn’t care - I got through the weekend without touching booze and had a toss load of fun.

On the Sunday, I drove to Birmingham to go karting with work mates.  I spent a bit too long pussying around the gas pedal and got lapped by everyone, but when I learned that there was no way I was getting tipped out I got my speed on and scraped back to 7th before the end of the race.   An awesome new experience, and I’ll be going back again to rightfully claim first place.

My lunch hour is running out so I’m going to wrap this up.  I had another awesome weekend in Birmingham with Tony - rendering me 24 days sober, and went to Twycross Zoo with my parents.  I’m flat hunting in Birmingham at the mo, and I’m going to Amsterdam on Thursday for an interesting dare.  More on that later.